Losing a parent or spouse is like losing your past, but losing a child is losing your future. Every birthday, anniversary, firsts, lasts, and holidays without our child(ren) are hard. We don’t want to feel sad all of the time, but heck it’s hard to lose a child. There are many days that are hard for parents of child loss.

When grief hits you like an old screen door smack dab in the face, here are 10 helpful things to do for yourself to survive these hard days.

1. Make a list. If you don’t plan out your day, you will just lay around and feel sorry for yourself. Either use paper and a pen, or your notes section on your phone. List everything chores, calls or texts, emails, your exercise choice of the day, and errands. Then write the non-negotiable things you must do, and don’t allow yourself a way out. Example: Adoration, Mass, etc.

2. Find something to be grateful for. There is scientific evidence that shows that we can find something to be grateful for will help us to smile. Smiling lightens our mood and helps our hearts. Read a joke or YouTube funny home videos. Laughter is the best medicine, so even if you're struggling to even have the desire try it.

3. Call a friend. Sometimes you just need a friend to know you're having a hard. No one can make your grief less intense, but having someone to pray with you or offer comfort lightens the load.

4. Social Media. Stay off of social media today. It can be tempting to want to just scroll, but the happiness of others’ lives may trigger you even further. Removing the potential to make a hard day tougher is very helpful for a grieving parent.

5. Exercise. Take a walk or a bike ride. There is something about the sunshine and fresh air that can settle your soul. Even if it’s for 20 minutes, slowly around your neighborhood, or the park. When your blood starts to pump it releases endorphins and helps stabilize your mood.

6. Create. Art is such a good way to release what is happening in your heart. Do something creative even if it’s a simple project or the start of something you have been dreaming of.

7. Play and Pray. Get on the floor and play with your children. If you are an animal lover, pet or throw a ball with your dog. Being childlike helps us to reset all the thoughts that are racing in our heads. If you don’t have any living or small children, or if you do not have pets, go to your sacred space and pray.

8. Read the Bible. Take some time and get lost with God in His holy scriptures. Let the Lord love you and give you peace by His words. There is something settling about reading the words that the Lord left us to contemplate and remind ourselves why we have faith.

9. Journal. When things pop up in my mind, I write them down. Even if it’s one word, one sentence, or one paragraph, write what the Lord puts on your heart. There are things I need to “say” that are also better to keep between God and me. Frustrations and hurts can hurt relationships; journal them. Also, it’s better not to let it stay bottled up inside. It’s like a shaken coke, you’ll explode.

10. Wing it. Sometimes you just have to feel your feelings. No rule says you have to hide your tears. If you are having a hard day, let the tears roll. It is perfectly acceptable to let the sorrow wash over you. Sometimes fighting the feelings only prolongs your pain. A good cry cleanses your soul, and after, you will feel much better. If you struggle with going there, set a clock and allow yourself 10 minutes to cry, and then go about your day doing 1-9.

Not a single one of these options changes your circumstances or makes you bypass grief, but they do help you to get through those hard days. Because let’s be honest with ourselves, we really don’t have control over when grief will bubble up and leave you feeling sorry for yourself.