Whether or not dads are affected differently by the loss of a child is relative because everyone grieves loss differently--even for the same child. 

People refer to the loss or death of a child as the ultimate tragedy. Some parents may mourn the loss of their child until the day they die. As well as the usual stages and symptoms of grief, parental bereavement comes with many issues that may be difficult to resolve. Issues that linger. The grief can be complicated by feelings of guilt and injustice. The parents feel that the loss should never have happened, and they want someone to blame. They go through the motions of daily existence, all the while feeling like they have no right to be alive when their child is gone. It feels very unnatural to outlive one’s, own child. Losing a parent or a grandparent is losing your past, but when you lose a child, you lose your future. Nothing can be more devastating than losing your precious child. The age doesn’t matter—the loss stings.

Everyone would agree that men and women react very differently to the same situations. This means that even when it comes to grieving, mom and dad are likely to react in different ways. The relationship between moms and dads and their children is very intense. It is also very different in many ways.

When a child dies, life is different for the parents, and it often leads to prolonged grief. Life changes irrevocably, and coping with death is different for each parent. However, this does not necessarily mean that one parent feels the loss more. Whether or not dads are affected differently by the loss of a child is relative. It just means the way grief manifests itself in the life of a mother or father will look different.

The Role of The Father

Traditionally, the father has the role of the head of the household. This means that the father feels responsible for the family’s well-being. Much of the father’s parenting role centers on protecting and providing for the children. When a child dies, the father is robbed of the ability to perform his role.

This often leaves him feeling an overpowering sense of failure. The fact that he could not protect his child from death can be overwhelming for any man. He is also unable to care for his child as he had hoped to do for many years. These feelings often cause dads to feel angry and guilty.

Do Dads Grieve Differently After Loss?

In many cases, the grieving father is overlooked as people focus on the mother. There are many reasons for this, the main one being the fact that people expect the man to be “stronger”. There is also the mistaken belief that mothers are always closer to their kids than their fathers. The father’s grieving will often take place at a different time as the mother. In most cases, the intensity of emotions comes later for the father. Both parents may experience recurrent seasons of grief at different times.

The Paternal Bond

The paternal bond will affect the duration and level of grief experienced. Unlike the maternal bond that is developed before birth, the paternal bond develops over time. The maternal bond is more physical, intimate, and immediate. The paternal bond is usually one that is based on future expectations and dreams.

While mothers often feel emotional loss, fathers are more likely to feel resentment, disappointment, and failure. The loss of a child is a big blow to the father’s hopes and goals. However, it must be noted that fathers today are more involved in the entire pregnancy and birthing process. They are also involved in infant care and rearing. This means that a strong bond is formed early in a child’s life.

Culture & Society

It is important for fathers to allow themselves to grieve. In many cultures, men are expected not to show grief. In a society that considers men showing emotions as a sign of weakness, many dads tend to keep their grief locked away. Society expects the dad to be strong in order to support the grieving mom. Most people don’t ask who is taking care of dad. Because of this, many dads end up suffering from emotional distress, anger, and depression for years to come. The grieving dad can feel overwhelmed, isolated, ignored, and abandoned because of societal and cultural expectations.

Grief is unique and individual but it is important for both parents to grieve together. This will help them to work through their grief together. They can support each other as they look for ways to memorialize their child. Faith in God is a source of comfort for many parents. Religious beliefs help them to understand what happens after death. However, there are those who feel that God has betrayed them. They feel that death has shattered their faith in life. Surviving the loss of a child is not easy and it takes dedication to live. As a dad, the experience will change you, but you will survive. Time does heal!