It's easy to feel hopeless when life doesn't go as planned. Whether it's a relationship gone sour or the loss of a loved one, we all have our moments when hope seems hard to find. According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, Hope is the theological virtue by which we desire the Kingdom of Heaven and eternal life as our happiness, placing our trust in Christ's promises and relying not on our own strength, but on the help of the grace of the Holy Spirit.” (CCC 1817) Here are seven tips for finding hope in even the bleakest of circumstances:

1. Hope when you are sad

It’s okay to be sad, and it’s okay to feel angry after the death of your child. These feelings are perfectly normal. But there is always hope on the horizon. 

The first day of your journey will be tough, but don’t give up hope! Keep moving forward, and know that you can do this. You are not alone. The Lord offers you hope after the death of your child. 

1 Thessalonians says: We do not want you to be unaware, brothers and sisters,

  about those who have fallen asleep,

  so that you may not grieve like the rest, who have no hope.

2. Hope when you feel guilt and shame

Guilt and shame are feelings we often experience when we’re hurting. Guilt is feeling remorse for something you've done, while shame can be felt in response to things you've said or thought. These emotions are normal when we experience pain, but they also can be powerful. It can be difficult to feel hope when you're experiencing guilt or shame—but hope isn't based on emotional states like these. Hope is rooted in the truth that God loves us regardless of what has happened or how we feel about it.

The verse in Psalm 103:12: “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." Through this verse, God promises us that no matter how bad our sin looks to us right now (or ever), He sees it differently than we do because He knows what is going on behind closed doors—and He forgives every single one of our sins!

3. Hope when your heart is afraid to trust, The question you should be asking, my friend, is not, “How can I trust again?” but rather, “Why should I?”

Why should you trust someone who has hurt and betrayed you? Why would you give your heart to someone who has broken it before? Why would you let yourself get close to someone who has already shown how they will treat your love with contempt or indifference? The only reason to do so is that God asks us to love and forgive others as He loves and forgives us. And if we want His forgiveness and love in return, then surely that means we need to show those same things toward others—even if they have hurt us before.

After our child dies, many people struggle to trust God. How can God be good if He allowed my child to die? The answer to this requires an act of faith. God can be trusted because He is good.  All the time.  He did not cause your child’s death, but He did allow it and can bring meaning to it if we trust in His goodness. 

Many scripture passages talk about trusting God, including Isaiah 55 and Proverbs 3:5-6.  

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. - Isaiah 55:8-9

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6. 

We can have hope that God is trustworthy no matter our circumstances. 

4. Hope when the pain overwhelms you

Hope is not about the pain going away but about learning to find goodness even in the pain. 

Hope reminds you that it is okay to feel your feelings, even dark ones. Hope reminds you that it is ok to express your emotions, even if those emotions make you feel like a monster for hurting someone else—because guess what? You're human! We all make mistakes, and we all hurt people—whether intentionally or unintentionally.

And sometimes, our best-laid plans blow up in our faces and break our hearts into a million pieces. But hope reminds us that it doesn't have to define us forever; with time on our side, we can heal from anything life throws at us—even if it takes months or years for some wounds (like mine) to heal completely. Hope also allows us to look for moments of beauty and goodness in the midst of our pain. There is always beauty to be found – the play of shadows on the ground, the exquisite beauty of a leaf, a warm hug, a delicious meal. In time and with hope, our grief can allow moments of beauty to be there with the pain, helping it to be more bearable. 

5. Hope in a time of uncertainty.

We cannot understand everything happening around us or to us.. We don't have to know what tomorrow will bring, or even next week or next month, but we can still choose hope over fear. Hope is not something you wait for; it's something you invite into the uncertainty and darkness.

Hope is a theological virtue, meaning it is not something we can attain ourselves.  Hope is always a gift from the Holy Spirit. If you are living through the pain of uncertainty, pray for the gift of hope. With God’s grace, hope will help you embrace a healthy, holy attitude towards life and our circumstances—that nothing lasts forever, but God does!

6. Hope in the midst of unmet dreams and broken relationships

Hope is a gift from God, and it’s not something you can earn.

No matter how hard we try, there will always be things we cannot control. We will experience tragedy, heartbreak, and unmet dreams. The future seems uncertain at times because there are so many variables involved in our lives—and if you feel like your future is uncertain right now because of some recent events or circumstances, then this is exactly why hope is such an important part of your healing process!

Isaiah 40:31 promises - But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

The Lord longs to bring you hope, goodness, and strength no matter your circumstances. 

7. Find hope where you can, and renew it every day 

You may have to accept that hope does not guarantee that things will improve or stay the same. You may have to pray for hope every day. You may even have to find hope in unexpected places.

Hope is seeing something good in the midst of pain, difficulty, and loss. Hope believes that you will feel peace again—even if it takes years for your heartbreak to fade into memory and for joy to return once more.

I hope this series has helped you find a little hope—even if it’s just for today. If you don’t feel like there is any hope in your life right now,  let me leave you with one last thought: 

God loves us all and wants us to be happy. This world can sometimes be dark and painful, but God will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). Even when we feel abandoned by everyone else around us, He still cares about our needs and desires. And even though He may not always answer our prayers exactly how we wanted them answered (or even at all), His love is always there for us no matter what!   As you struggle to live with greater hope, always remember one final verse, Romans 5:5:

Hope does not disappoint because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.