I am a daddy’s girl. I am very close to my dad.  We share the same birthday, and my little saint’s middle name is after my dad’s. My father and I share such a special bond, so I am really struggling with his recent health problems.

In June of 2022, my dad started randomly passing out.  His doctors ran tests and changed his medicine, and nothing helped. He still passed out. On December 22nd, my dad had a cardiac episode at work. One of his co-workers was in the shop when he heard my dad say some words, followed by a big noise. When he looked over, he saw my dad on the floor. He ran to him and said, “Mr. Craig, are you alright?” When my dad woke up, within seconds, he sat up and called my mom to come to get him and take him to the emergency room. As many times as it happened before, something was different, and it scared him.

But when my mom arrived, my dad shook it off and told her not to worry. “Let’s just go home.” At the same time, he realized that he was wearing a heart monitor in case he had another episode. Perfect timing. He was supposed to turn it in that afternoon to the doctor. After a little deliberating, they ended up going to the emergency room, but the ER did not have the machine to read his monitor. We brought the monitor to his doctor's office, and immediately, it was determined that he needed a pacemaker. Not soon, today. My dad ended up having his pacemaker put in on his mother's birthday, 2 days before Christmas. 

We all felt a sense of relief when that surgery was over to know this would correct the episode and he would no longer risk passing out anymore but he was still getting weak. After surgery, the cardiologist told him it could be because his valve had stiffened. His primary care doctor has been watching his valve closely for several years. But now that the pacemaker was implanted, the cardiologist said he needs to get the valve fixed, and that should take care of everything.

My dad is scheduled to have his Heart Valve Surgery on February 13, 2023. The day after my Cursillo weekend. I can tell my dad has a little anxiety and is scared of his surgery. He came to visit over the weekend, and he gave me a box of chocolates and a card. He said can you give this to your mom or Valentines since I will be in ICU. He always thinks of others before he thinks of himself.

My parent’s 40th wedding anniversary is coming up on March 19. My dad has always gotten my mom a dozen of roses on their anniversary. This year is no different. My dad went to the florist, ordered and paid for her flowers ahead of time to be delivered on their anniversary in case something happened to him during or after the surgery. When he told me this, my heart just broke. What if God was preparing him for something bad to happen?

I am struggling because I am leaving this afternoon for Cursillo and won't see my dad until after his surgery on Monday. At that time, dad will already be in surgery, and I won’t see him until after in ICU. I am so afraid something will happen to my dad, and I will regret not spending time with him before his surgery. I am afraid this will trigger my grief. The waves of being anxious are overpowering me. I shared with my friend that I feel my grief will come back in full force if something happens to my dad. I am just not ready for that right now.

I recently had a talk with one of my friends who is a priest, and I told him how I am so worried about going to Cursillo this weekend. He said, “ask your father what he would want you to do.” I said my dad would never stop me from going. His response was, “ your Earthly Father is guiding you to your Heavenly Father.” That one little sentence settled my heart. My earthly father will always guide me to my heavenly father. The peace overcame me.