My doctor watched me closely during my first trimester since I had had 3 previous miscarriages. During that trimester, I was afraid of my almost weekly visits. Afraid of what they might find. No heartbeat? Bad bloodwork? At week 12, my mind was eased. Everything looked fantastic.

On Thursday, April 7, 2022, I went to the doctor for my normal 16-week visit. It was the first time I’d been to the doctor during this pregnancy, and I didn’t feel afraid. I’d felt the fluttering of baby kicks in the previous week. Morning sickness had finally passed. I wasn’t nearly as tired as I had been. I was feeling that 2nd-trimester energy. Routinely, we tried to listen to the heartbeat with the monitor. After several attempts and a few machines later, I could see the familiar worried faces I had seen before. Confirmation and reality came when the ultrasound showed no movement and no heartbeat.

In that quick, dark moment, I had no idea what would come in the following days. I hadn’t realized yet that I was far enough along in pregnancy that I had to deliver my baby. It took the day to process what had happened that morning. I was given the weekend to grieve, think, and to plan my next steps.

Although I was exhausted, sleep was allusive during that weekend. Many thoughts ran through my mind as I lay there, trying to embrace the sleep I knew I needed. It was during that weekend my heart and mind conceived these thoughts. My heart knew these words were poetry, but my mind couldn’t string the words together. Those thoughts have stayed with me. I was encouraged to write them down. This poem is the conception of my thoughts on that sorrowful weekend.

Hans Francis was born on the morning of April 12, 2022, the Tuesday of Holy Week.  

My name is Dawn Blumrich.  I am a striving, faithful wife and mother to 10 children, four of which are already saints among God's spring garden in heaven. Since I was a child I've wanted to restore beauty in places that were less than beautiful.  That desire has grown into a life as a homeschool mom, watching my children grow spiritually, physically, and academically. It has also translated professionally as a Licensed Professional Counselor, finding joy in helping people grow personally and emotionally, restoring beauty from brokenness.