Two days after my son, Auggie, died, we walked into a parish filled with unfamiliar faces. I thought that I was safe from anyone knowing who I was and what I just endured two days earlier. As I sat in the back pew, with my knees to my chest and turned away from the crucifix, I thought I was safe from another dagger piercing my heart. “A Reading from the Book of Jeremiah...Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.” (Jeremiah 1:5)

The words pierced my heart like a dagger as I raced from the pew, out the door and threw myself onto the cold, snowy ground screaming in agony. I couldn’t believe this was the first reading, was this a twisted joke the Lord was playing on me? As I lay on the cold concrete, I screamed out to the Lord asking why my beautiful son was taken from this earth. I couldn’t imagine a life without Auggie’s laughter, but through that Scripture, the Lord was speaking into the depths of my heart. I wasn’t ready to listen then, but I am now.

As I raced out of the church on January 30, 2022, and threw myself onto the cold ground, I couldn’t see the Lord’s love. I could only see a Lord who allowed my son to leave this earth far too soon. Then I saw this picture.

I saw myself trusting my earthly father to catch me as I jumped into the deep end. I am reminded as I look at this picture that even in the depths of losing Auggie, our heavenly Father is there to catch me. He knew that this moment would come before I was formed in the womb and was waiting for me to jump into his arms and trust in his goodness. I pray that as I carry this heavy cross of child loss, I may jump into my heavenly Father’s arms, trusting that he will catch me. “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.” Jeremiah 1:5