A Special Mother’s Day Message for our Grieving Mothers
Dear Grieving Mother,
If you are reading this, you are mourning the loss of your beloved child. The grief is crushing you. Child loss is an extraordinary cross and even though words fail, we are still so, so sorry for your suffering. We know you are crushed in spirit.
It’s Mother’s Day and we see you, broken-hearted mama. We know there is more to your family than can be seen. We honor and celebrate your motherhood just as God allowed it to be. Today is for you because you are still a mother.
Even if your arms are empty, you are still a mother.
Even if no one remembers your child, you are still a mother.
Even if your child never breathed, you are still a mother.
Even if no one says your child’s name anymore, you are still a mother.
Even if you never knew if your baby was a boy or a girl, you are still a mother.
There is so much we want to say to you on Mother’s Day, so much we want you to know.
We want you to know that if you venture outside, seeing children with their families may hurt a little. Or a lot. It may be hard to see the baby in the stroller or the child on a swing being pushed by their mothers. It might be hard to see other families together when yours feels so broken. You may be filled with longing to be close to your child who feels so very far away.
There is little we can offer to soften your pain except to remind you that your child is real. Your child’s life matters. Your love for your child and their love for you lives on. You are still a mother.
We want you to know that it’s ok if you want to be invisible at church when the priest asks all mothers to stand for a blessing. We want you to know that seeing other moms on social media receiving homemade cards may break your heart because you wish your child was here. The realization that you won't receive a flower pot fingerpainted with “Mom” -- for the first time or the thirteenth time -- might be too much to bear. You would trade all the little gifts in the world for one more second in your child’s presence, but you want them anyway. Because you are still a mother.
We want you to know that even though your heart is in pieces, your arms are empty, and your plans are shaken, this day is still for you. You can celebrate your motherhood and have breakfast in bed or go to brunch. You don't have to hide. But if you want to or need to, that's ok too. You can stay curled up in bed crying and watching sad movies or turn down any invitations and go visit your child’s grave.
Others may remember how hard today is for you, or they may not. Your husband may understand how you feel, or he may not. No matter what happens, this day will pass. Another day will come, and your love and your grief for your child will still be here. You will go on. You will learn to carry your grief through another day, another year. Just as you mothered your child in life, you will continue to mother them in death. Because you are still a mother.
Sweet mama, you are part of a family that no one chooses: a community of grieving mothers who also suffer through Mother’s Day. Each of us carries a child that no one sees. Each of us loves our child unconditionally.
It's not the length of a child’s life or the cards or gifts you receive that determines your motherhood. It's the love that you give your child every single day, even in sorrow, even in death.
With deep love comes deep loss. Not even death can strip away the love a mother has for her child. Our Lady has taught us that love is beyond the grave. Our Lady of Sorrows, pray for us.
With love,
The Red Bird Team
