“…they have taken away my Lord…”
By Joy Guidry Boudreaux
The Great Covid-19 Quarantine of 2020. Yes, folks, we are living history. Just like our kids ask us what it was like to live through 9/11, our grandkids and even our kids (for those of us with littles) will ask us what was it like to live through the quarantine. I’m trying to focus on and remember the positives. The slower pace of things. The way (SOME) people are coming together to help others. The sacrifices made by the healthcare community and all those who are voluntarily ‘sheltering in place’ to protect the elderly and immuno-compromised. Its generally how I roll; I look for the light,. But Monday….. Monday was a dark day.
Before everyone starts lecturing or mom-splaining things, I know its for the ultimate good of the population at large. That being said…. I’m going to get selfish for a little bit and talk about how this is all affecting ME for a few minutes.
I wasn’t terribly rattled by all of the other stuff up till this point - the shelter in place orders, schools closing, the limits on the number of people that could attend family crawfish boils, the rampant stupidity and panic at the grocery stores - but when I read the announcement Monday afternoon from the bishop of our diocese announcing that all Masses were suspended until the quarantine is over. …. I cried. My heart broke. I thought about what Mary Magdalene must’ve felt when she went to the tomb on the day of the Resurrection. “Woman, why are you weeping?” “They have taken away my Lord and I do not know where they have laid him.” (John 20:13) All I could think about Monday night and into Tuesday was that they took my Jesus from me, they took my Mass from me. My SAFE PLACE was taken away from me. In the darkest times of my life, I run to my church for comfort; WHERE DO I RUN TO NOW?!. Oh, I know, the Catholic Church is not about building; its the people, not the bricks, I get that. I know I can watch the Mass on TV or on live stream on my computer or phone or whatever gadget I have, but I CANNOT RECEIVE MY JESUS IN THE EUCHARIST.
For those that don’t understand the importance of the Mass and the Eucharist (to Catholics in general, not just me), I offer this analogy. Remember those Sundays at your grandparent’s house? Or maybe it was visits to a best friend or favorite relative. Remember the comfort and the love that seemed to just fill up every inch of the place? In your mind’s eye, put yourself back there. Feel the warmth, the love, the happiness, the silliness, the unity and community you felt with everyone there. Now…. separate yourself from it. Don’t leave it, but put yourself on the other side of the window that looks into to that space of love and joy. You can still see everyone; they can see you. You can still hear everyone and they can hear you. You can even still speak with them. BUT you can’t BE with everyone. You can’t hug them. You can’t comfort them. You can’t draw solace from the hugs and comfort that they’d be giving TO you. You can watch them eat their meal, while you eat your own plate of food just on the other side of the glass in the window, but you can’t SHARE A MEAL with them. Get it?
I’ve always known that the Mass was important, that receiving the Blessed Sacrament was important. I just never understood how important it was TO ME, as an individual…. until it was taken away. Going to Mass became a big part of my life, but having been to Mass nearly every Sunday for the last 44 yesrs, it sort of became a necessary part of my routine. I just couldn’t imagine a Sunday or a Saturday evening going by without a Mass! Without realizing it, though, the Mass became a part of me. It became touchstone. A place to go to be reminded that there is an ultimate purpose and plan for all the chaos and hurt and uncertainty. The raised ceilings and who-knows-how-many stories high spires made me look UP TO HEAVEN, made me remember that there was still beauty in the world, things to aspire to. Receiving Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament was a chance for me to get my ‘grace cup’ refilled, to catch some more of the love that He wants above all else to pour out into me. Just me. It was a chance for me to openly and physically receive the love that makes everything ok. Knowing first-hand the peace and love and the indescribable SOLACE of that hug, being on the other side of the glass just isn’t going to cut it right now Its unacceptable to me. Like asking for ice cream and getting sour cream: both are equally rich, both look the same, but only one has “all sweetness with it”.
I don’t know what the next few weeks and months will hold for any of us. Things are changing so fast with this thing and there’s just so much that is uncertain from one day to the next. The one thing that I AM certain of is that when the quarantine is lifted and all the churches are open for Holy Mass, I’m going to RUN to Jesus! With open arms and very dry soul in desperate need of being watered by the graces that can only be found in His Body & Blood. I can’t help but think that it’s going to be like a resurrection of sorts. A resurrection of my own consciousness of how Jesus works in me, how very much I need HIM and the graces that he pours into me. Just help me to hold on until the window goes away, Lord. Help me hand on until the veil is once again lifted.
I pray that He helps you to hang on until the veil is once again lifted and your own windows are opened.
Joy Guidry Boudreaux
