How Long Does Grief Last
When it comes to grief, how long does it last? That's a question we often hear in the early stages of bereavement when the future looks uncertain. As you work through your grief, it is important not to set timelines since everyone's journey is different.
So, how long does grief last?
What are the seven stages of grief after death?
How long does each stage of grief last?
What does grief do to your body?
How long does grief fatigue last?
How long does grief brain fog last?
Does grief last forever?
A note on complicated grief
So, how long does grief last?
There is no one-size-fits-all answer. It's different for everyone. There is no timeline for grief, and it, unfortunately, has no expiration date. Simply put, it takes as long as it takes. Give yourself time to experience loss in your own way without setting expectations or timelines. If you are mindful of this, you may also avoid feeling frustrated that it takes longer than you expected.
Grief is a uniquely personal experience, and each person processes their grief differently. That's why, while some people may begin to feel better within weeks, others may take months or years. Over time, many of us at Red Bird Ministries have recognized that our grief will never fully go away. However, our day-to-day lives have become more manageable. We get stronger, especially when we are together. Our mantra is, “We are better together.”
It reminds us of Lois Tonkin's theory that grief stays with us, but our lives grow around it. Even though it's always there and always the same size, you slowly rebuild your world around it. The way that grief manifests itself can also change. Early on, it might feel like a very physical process, but later on, you may feel more emotional, though without the brain fog or exhaustion you felt at first. Usually, these feelings come in waves, with some days being stronger than others. You should try your hardest to roll with them, knowing that there will be a calmer tide on the horizon. Don’t fight the wave; otherwise, it will come crashing down. Simply put, allow yourself to feel what you are feeling on those days.
What are the seven stages of grief after death?
Some believe we go through seven stages of grief after a loss. These are:
Shock and denial
Pain and guilt
Anger and bargaining
Depression, loneliness, and reflection
Upward turn
Reconstruction
Acceptance and hope
How long does each grief stage last?
The five stages of grief were originally introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, before 'shock and denial' and 'acceptance' were added. However, at Red Bird, we don't think one will go through each stage in order. Despite experiencing all the symptoms above, there is no 'checklist' or 'correct' way to grieve because each grieving process is unique.
It is important to remember, however, that everyone goes through these stages at their own pace. You may feel some of them fleetingly, some of them may come and go, and some you may never feel at all. In her writings, Kübler-Ross made it clear that these stages are not linear but rather occur in a set order.
What does grief do to your body?
Grieving is more than just an emotional experience. There are also surprising physical symptoms, such as exhaustion, achy joints, restless sleep, and even cold-like symptoms. The body and mind are worn out, and you may feel that way for weeks or months. A bereavement break is one of many reasons why it's beneficial to take some time out during those early stages to rest. Go on a retreat or vacation to rest.
How long does grief fatigue last?
While we wish we could tell you that grief fatigue is ending soon, it takes as long as it takes. The exhaustion you experience from trauma may be exacerbated by insomnia, which also adds to the overdrive of your mind and body. In the event that you feel that grief fatigue is lingering for too long (not for someone else), you can speak to a doctor about ways to improve your sleep and energy levels. Perhaps they can provide you with suggestions on ways to establish a new sleep pattern or vitamins you can take to support your body during this difficult time.
How long does grief brain fog last?
Try not to be hard on yourself if you find you're more forgetful in the first weeks or months after a loved one dies. This is an all too common (and frustrating) symptom of grief. A lot of new information has to be processed by your brain, both from the loss and shock itself, as well as for any difficult 'death admin' you may have to deal with. If possible, enlist the help of others to handle the administrative tasks.
Does grief last forever?
It can happen - and that's okay. Although grief will stay with you forever, it won't always feel as hard or all-consuming as it does right now. It might be brought on by a birthday, anniversary, or just an unexpected memory in the future. After a while, though, the days in between will feel more normal again, and it will be easier to miss your loved one. There are several things you can do to help you on your journey, including:
Knowing what grief is so that you can understand why you might be feeling what you are feeling and what to expect along the way.
Find support, whether it's from a bereavement group, a friend, or a family member. It can be beneficial to open up, as well as to hear other people's stories, in order to help you process your grief.
It's important to listen to your needs and not push yourself before you're ready. It's okay to say 'no' when you want to.
Getting in touch with Human Resources or a trusted manager at work. It's important you get the support you need when returning to work after a bereavement.
A note on complicated grief
It is common to experience feelings of deep sadness and hopelessness when grieving. In some cases, however, complicated grief may be present if:
Over time, you may find that your feelings do not improve and/or get worse.
You devote most of your attention to the death of your loved one for a long period of time.
Persistently feel numb, detached, and that life has no meaning or purpose.
You may experience depression, self-blame, and/or guilt.
Become isolated from others for a long period of time.
You would have preferred to have died with your loved one.
Complicated grief can be debilitating, but there are ways to find happiness again. It is crucial that you speak to your loved one or doctor so that they can help you get the support you need. There is no need for you to struggle alone.
