How to Ask for Help When You Need It
When we are grieving, the activities of our daily life can feel beyond us. Our mind and body can be easily overwhelmed, and we may find that we need help when we never did before.
Asking for help is never easy. It can be hard to admit that you need help and even harder to know who might be able to offer the kind of assistance that will really make a difference. But asking for help doesn't have to be stressful or awkward—it can actually make your life easier and lead to stronger relationships with those around you. So, here are some tips on how to ask for help when you need it:
Decide what you want help with and who might be willing to help you.
First, decide what you need help with. Do you need someone to come over and help you with something? Is it a project? Are certain tasks taking up all your time and getting in the way of the other things that need to be done?
Next, consider who might be available to help. Think about friends and family members who might be able to lend a hand, or maybe even neighbors or coworkers. If no one is immediately coming to mind, try looking through your phone's contact list and texting them to ask if they have time right now—if not right now, then possibly sometime in the future (this can also work for people who aren't geographically close). The point is, even if someone is not available now to help you, they may still be willing to help in the future when they have more free time.
Finally, once an appropriate person has been identified (and agreed upon by both parties), determine whether they'd actually be able to assist with whatever task needs doing--and if so, then great!
Be clear about why you need help.
Next, be clear about what you need. Be specific about the situation if you’re in a bind and don’t know what to do. Don’t make it a big deal, but also, don't be afraid to be clear about what your needs are. after all, this is what friends are for).
Make your request specific.
How specific you get will depend on the kind of help you need. If you’re looking for someone to watch your kids so that you can work from home, then just asking for somebody local with a babysitting service would be enough.
However, if you need an expert opinion or advice on something complicated (like your business plan), it might be more helpful if you could provide as much information about yourself and your situation as possible to make it easy for others to respond.
It may seem like common sense, but the more clear and specific your request is, the easier it will be for people around you—and especially those who want to help—to figure out how best they can assist with what needs doing and where their skills lie in relation to those needs.
When looking for help, it's important first to ask yourself whether this is something you could do yourself. If you have the skills to do it yourself, then great! Go for it. But if not—and especially if you don't have the desire or time to learn those skills—consider asking for help from someone else who can assist with getting your task done.
If the answer really is no, let it go.
If the answer really is no, let it go. Don’t take it personally. You’re not going to convince someone else to help you or make them feel guilty. They have their own lives and problems; They may have very good reasons for not being able to help you, even if those are not apparent. If someone says no, remember that this likely has nothing to do with you.
You can ask for assistance without hiding your true feelings.
Be honest about your feelings, needs, and boundaries, with the person you are asking for help.
Your emotions are valid and real. They are neither right nor wrong; they just are. The emotions you feel do not reflect how much you care or how much help you need from someone else; it simply means that's what you're feeling now. You do not need to explain why or justify how you feel or what you need because the world does not revolve around your emotions - but it does exist within them!
Be specific about what is needed from others, so there is no confusion about what exactly they're being asked to do (or not do).
Remember, grieving is not failing. To be overwhelmed and need help when we are mourning is perfectly normal. Getting help is a way of honoring your grief and showing your family and friends that you value your relationship with them enough to be vulnerable and let them into your struggle. It’s not about being weak or incapable—it’s about taking responsibility for yourself, your feelings, and your needs.
