Little Star
One of our liturgical celebrations in January is the Feast of the Epiphany of the Lord. People throughout history have had revelations, discoveries, epiphanies, of the presence of the Lord at some point in their lives. One such occurrence is evident when Simeon and Anna “see” Christ the infant when Mary and Joseph present Him in the temple. They believed in the Lord and knew of His promise to send a Messiah, they were watching and waiting for Him. But in this recent Feast we see foreigners, the Magi, seeking Jesus.
From what we know, or at least what I’ve discussed in Come, Lord Jesus! bible study is that the magi from the East weren’t descendants of Israel. They were gentiles. In the old testament they weren’t included in the covenants between God and His chosen people. Yet, God came down in human form through His son, Jesus, to unite all nations. The Star of Bethlehem was something beautiful and powerful that the magi could see. It was created so that they, gentiles, would be directed to a path leading them straight to our Lord. Once the magi followed the star and were led directly to Jesus, they gave him gifts, bowed down, and gave him worship.
One topic of discussion was on the fact that the star was a sign anyone could see. It was an ordinary occurrence. But those that have eyes to see would recognize it as a sign that the Lord was fulfilling prophecies of the birth of our newborn king. And the question was posed: what is “the star” in your life that calls you to Jesus. For myself, one sign is quite literally a star. Let me dive deeper…
My faith waxed and waned during the years past but my attempts at an “all in” commitment to Jesus never really STUCK. I would come and go when it best suited my needs in life, but once I was unstuck from my rut, I let the things of this world begin to consume me again. This would occur even after deaths of loved ones. But Vivienne’s death was different. She was created from my own flesh and blood, an extension of my physical being and of my very soul. Her death brought me to my own tomb and the realities of the life to come were clear to me, finally. I went looking for Jesus immediately. But I often get stuck in my own head and misery with grieving milestones. God, in His tender love, gives me signs to keep me on track.
On August 20th I was pacing my L&D room as the contractions began to intensify. I would walk to the door, in a daze, denying my current circumstance. Then I would turn around and walk towards the panda warmer, that was powered off and dark, which would bring me back to the reality that my baby would not need it. The room was silent and cold. During one trip to the warmer a lullaby began to play in my head, “Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star”. It kept playing on loop in my mind as I miserably walked the room. I realized it was hers. This was Vivienne’s lullaby. She and God sent it to me, a road sign to keep me on my path. She was born a few hours later.
The next day was filled with funeral planning and crying. At the end of it we sat in the car on our last ride home and I heard Genevieve start to sing in her car seat. She was singing Vivienne’s lullaby. The following day, the funeral director opened the parlor doors so I could see Vivienne and dress her for her burial. I started a Pandora children’s lullaby station and the first song to play as I walk down the aisle is “Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star”. This lullaby has popped up in unexpected ways since it began playing in my head on her birthday. Especially on those nights I would just sit outside, crying, talking (sometimes shouting) to God as I gazed at the stars above. Even a friend of my mother’s gifted me with a plaque of this lullaby, unaware of its significance in my life.
The most recent star sighting came on All Souls Day this past year. The cemetery Mass where Vivienne is buried was in the late afternoon. By the time the service started it was already nightfall, and it was just so beautiful and peaceful. After the consecration of the host I looked up at the sky in the direction of the mausoleum where Vivienne rests, and behold! A shooting star came down. Now I know I’ll present myself as being “sheltered” when I tell you this: I have never seen a shooting star before. That was my first one, and what a joyous one it was.
God reveals Himself to us through the ordinary. Through people around us. Through their talents and their gifts. He reveals Himself to us through nature. These are the ways He gently attempts to point every one of us in a direction in life that leads us to Him. We may get lost and go down other roads, especially when the strains of this life are feeling dreadfully heavy. We may just be stuck, feeling unable to move forward but not willing to hop off the road….which is where I find myself sometimes. But He continues to show us the “stars” in our life which we can readily “see” to lead us in His direction. What is the star in your life?
