Our Why
When Ryan and I lost our son Talon, then our daughter Emma Grace, our faith was rocked to the core. It was the first life event that had brought us to our knees in a way that demanded a change, a reaction, something, anything.
Our relationship with God was stagnant and needed life support before our loss and we found ourself at a crossroad. We had no idea what to do and no idea where to turn. We needed God the most during this time, but we didn't even recognize His voice.
At the time, there were no grief support ministries to accompany the grieving in our church parish or in our diocese. We struggled with all of the normal questions of why, why us if God was good, and if He loved us.
We were very immature in our spiritual life and needed help in understanding what these questions were brought to the surface. In the midst of that darkness and the isolation, no one came to speak the truth over the lies we believed. We were so vulnerable, lost, and needed support.
After some time the triggers and the trauma of child loss were so overwhelming, we quit going to mass. The reality was that no one noticed. We felt so alone and abandoned by the Church.
The parable of the 99 and 1 lost sheep was what we were facing. We were so lost and needed our Shepard. My truth was that he had forgotten about us. We had fallen through the cracks, and the darkness overtook us.
Because grief is so heavy and paralyzing, there was not much we felt like doing, generally speaking. Normal daily duties were overwhelming, and some days we couldn't even remember to brush our teeth.
Searching for grief support seemed too exhausting.
Where do we even start?
Who could we trust?
Who would help us?
There just wasn't anyone out there who was doing grief work and so we did seek help from a secular counselor, but something was missing.
Counseling got me to a place of just good enough where I felt like I could function in society and knew that I wasn't indeed going crazy as I had self-diagnosed myself. In no way, shape, or form was I grieving healthy or at a place in my grief that I ever felt peace.
What we needed was our Church community. A community of other grievers who were a little further on their journey to come to us and accompany us in the trenches of our grief. To speak truth to the lies that we had believed and to love and support us through our loss, but there was just no one.
I lost a decade of my life. So many years passed and later after stumbling, falling, leaving the church, being angry at God, falling flat on our face, I hit a roadblock. The Church came to my aid through the sacraments.
I joined RCIA to make my confirmation, went to confession, made my Cursillo, had our marriage blessed again for our 15th anniversary, and met the real person of Christ. We found restoration when we came back into community and communion with God. You can't separate the body from the soul. When the soul was restored the body was healed.
After researching across the USA in other dioceses, we understood that grief work is largely overlooked in the Church. It left us not only perplexed but desperate to create resources that could be duplicatable in other parts of the country.....so we began.
RBM is what we desperately needed a decade ago for our family, and we could not turn away from knowing that other families need this too. So we created a Catholic grief support ministry that embraced the teachings of the Church and is offering restoration to the whole person, including the soul. You just simply cannot separate the two.
Today we have created some beautiful fresh and attractive resources that has led you here to come along on the journey with us. We need advocates to take RBM to other parts of the country.
Will you help us?
If you are interested in sharing RBM in your diocese or parish, please reach out to us by clicking here.
What we have learned about sheep being in flocks, and sheep being left alone is remarkable and I'd love to share a little with you. Sheep have interesting behaviors, and when we look closely you will understand how important a flock is.
“Like people, sheep believe there is safety in numbers. When they lose a sheep-friend they love, they notice and may even show signs of grief. When sheep are isolated, they get lonely and can become depressed.”
When one sheep moves, the rest will follow, even if it does not seem like a good idea. Sheep are very social animals, they need other sheep. Sheep always have to have visual contact with other sheep to prevent excess stress when moving. A group of 5 sheep is usually necessary to display normal flocking behavior.
Sheep are quite vulnerable without a shepherd. They are vulnerable to their enemies such as wolves and the thieves mentioned in John 10. They are also vulnerable to themselves as they tend to wander from the flock.
As soon as the sheep are left alone, their heart rates began to soar. At the end of the first 15 minutes, adrenaline and stress hormone levels increase, indicating clear signs of stress. But after 15 minutes of simulated sheep company, the animals became calmer. Heart rates fell to pre-isolation levels.
If a sheep is left alone for extended periods of time, the sheep will lie down and become paralyzed and not move. He/she will scream for help indicating danger in fear of dying. This screaming sounds like painful moaning and is deeply disturbing to listen to.
Sheep get a bad rap for their flock mentality, but God created them with an instinct to stick together as a means of survival. That instinct allows the lambs to flourish. Even sheep that are introduced to a new flock will follow the other sheep until they too recognize the shepherd.
This is a beautiful picture of discipleship. As disciple-makers, we help others learn to recognize the voice of our Savior. The body of Christ is like that flock of sheep. We accompany those who are grieving, walk beside them, lead them, teach them, and always point them to Jesus where healing and restoration is found, through the sacraments.
When a person falls in love with Christ they often follow the examples of those who have impacted their lives the most: a pastor, small group leader, or the person who led them to Christ. Over time, if they are growing spiritually, they will directly seek God’s counsel through His word, through His sacraments, and come to understand their role as daughter/son of God. The primary voice they seek is that of the shepherd. The peace that they desire can only be found in the heart of the Father.
We created the RBM Community to be a touchpoint of evangelization that the Church desperately needed. We are a committed and faithful community of grieving families who pursue our healing through the sacraments of the Catholic Church, Sacred Scripture, and Sacred Tradition. We pray together and for each other. A lot.
There’s no question that what we're doing here is a different approach to any other grieving community. A true form of discipleship that desires to help those who are in most need. We could have created a group somewhere else, but we chose this path for a few key reasons:
It’s Ours. As we build this RBM community together, we have some great features for creating exclusive content for RBM, deeper conversations, connection for online and in-person friendships, and online and in-real-life events. Plus, we have access to great analytics that will make us smarter and faster about what’s working for you, and what’s not.
There are More Ways for You to Meet Other Grieving Families. There are more ways to introduce people who are near each other, who fall into the same flock of loss, and who have similar grieving needs. We can’t get that in free groups or on a website elsewhere. We need the ability to connect our families for organic relationships to nourish them. Check out our causes tab or members near you to connect.
We Can Bring Together More in One Place. By launching this RBM grieving community, we can introduce you to more people, unlock valuable collaborations and exclusive content, and bring you new, fresh ideas and practices to take into your daily life to help you to navigate the waves of grief.
We Are Also Here To Deepen Your Faith. Inside the RBM app, we've developed 4 Pillars of grief to educate our families on the relational, emotional, psychological, and spiritual aspects of grief.
Within these 4 Pillars of grief, the RBM App will focus to help our families to understand how these 4 pillars affect their journey. You will find a collection of bite-size "Courses" taught by the founders of Red Bird Ministries, grief experts, clergy, and families of loss.
RBM app is something we are truly proud of - sure, we can hang out and connect with other grieving families all day long, but if we are not entering into a deeper understanding of our faith and applying it to our prayer life, then we’ve missed the point.
At RBM we aren’t interested in getting you just good enough to function in society, or to survive loss, our goal is for you to thrive after loss, and to get you to Heaven.
We desire to see our children again, and RBM is a community that believes that is possible by coming back into full communion with God.
What You Should Expect From RBM
We want you to get five key things from the RMB:
Experience exclusive grieving content and conversations you can’t find anywhere else.
Meet other Catholic grieving families who share the desire for restoration.
Deepen your prayer life and love for Christ Jesus, His Mother, and the Saints.
Be a gift to others in sharing your story and witness to what God has done in your journey towards healing.
In addition to grief, you will learn more about your faith inside the RBM app. That is a win!
To make this a reality, we’re going to need your help. We are in this together. No good work is ever done alone. Every time you contribute a story, experience, or idea, you’re building a knowledge base every member of this community can tap to make better decisions. And when you invite in as few as two new members, you’re adding rocket fuel to what this RBM community can accomplish together. It doesn’t get any better than that.
Let’s Dive In!
You might be asking yourself what’s the best way to get started here. The answer is simple. Add your first Post by telling us what you're looking to get out of the RBM app right now!
For those who are seeking MORE, who are ready to dive deep on your restoration journey, then the Soar plan is your answer. We offer courses on a variety of grieving topics taught by our founders, grief experts, clergy, and other families of loss; and it includes our child loss study called Finding the Passion of Christ in Our Story.
It’s powerful, deep, and connects you directly to the Cross where we will find all of the treasures and mysteries of our faith.
Each course has multiple (video) lessons in it with pdf worksheets/reflections and summaries. We also offer monthly LIVE's so we can check in with one another and further discuss course material. It's the support and community that you wanted but never received - and now it's available right here in the app!
Find out more about RBM and sign up here!
