Helping our children grieve.
Children who have experienced the death of a loved one experience grief in much the same way as adults do. While their understanding of death and life may be different from ours, they still feel sadness, anger, and other emotions that come with loss.
In this blog post, we'll explore why it's important to talk about death with children and how you can help your child through their grief.
Grief is a normal reaction to loss; children can and do experience grief.
Children can experience grief at any age—even as young as one-year-old! They may not understand the concept of death, but they still feel the pain of losing someone close to them.
As parents, we must work hard to ensure that our children receive comfort during times of grieving. We should encourage them when they are sad; we should listen attentively when they need someone just to talk with; we should offer hugs and kisses when they’re feeling down or lonely, but most importantly: we should let them know that it’s okay for them to feel sad about losing a loved one.
Even young children can experience grief.
They express their feelings differently than adults and may not understand what has happened or why.
Children have been shown to have a wide range of emotions in response to loss, including sadness, anger, guilt, and fear. As a parent, it is important to be aware of what your child might be feeling when dealing with the death of someone close to them. Children don't always know how to express their grief; they may cry quietly or regress into old behaviors that they have used in the past when something upsetting has happened. A good way for you as a parent to help your child deal with grief is by modeling healthy coping skills yourself.
It's important to tell your child what they need to know.
When a child loses someone they love, it's natural for them to wonder what happened. The best way to answer these questions is by describing the person who died in loving terms and telling your child how they passed away. This will help your child understand that even though he has lost someone special in his life, he can still remember that person fondly.
The more details you share about how death happens—and what happens afterward—the more we can help our child begin to understand that death is a part of life, even if the loss of his or her sibling was a tragic unexpected event.
There's no certain way to grieve.
Grief is a highly individual process. Different children will grieve in different ways, depending on their personality and other factors such as age and maturity level. Some children may be more likely to show outward signs of grief, while others may be more likely to internalize their grief.
Children also experience grief differently at different stages in life, so it's important to take that into account when helping your child cope with loss. Their understanding and experience of grief and loss will also grow and mature as your child grows and matures. They may need to re-process their grief many times throughout their childhood and teenage years.
Children are resilient, and they can and do bounce back from grief.
However, helping your child cope with the loss of a loved one takes time. In the first few weeks after a loss, focus on building a sense of safety, security, and trust in your child’s world. This helps them feel more secure as they navigate their way through the grieving process.
The grieving process is different for everyone, but there are some basic principles that apply to all children:
Grieving children need plenty of time to talk about what happened and how they feel. If you or other adults try to rush this process or stop them from talking about their feelings directly related to the death, it often only makes things worse.
Children need reassurance that everything will be OK; they may worry that they are responsible for making sure things work out perfectly again (which is impossible).
Reassure them that this is not true—you’re taking care of everything until you both feel ready again!
Children learn by watching us.
Children learn by watching us. They see how we respond, what our reaction is, and how we treat people. If you are grieving the loss of a loved one and your child doesn’t understand what’s going on, there are ways to help them understand.
Participate in the process of grief with your children. Don’t hide your emotions from them.
Be present for them when they reach out after a death occurs, and be sensitive to their needs for comfort at these times.
Let them know that it's okay to cry or express sadness around you because it's an important part of healing from loss.
Grief is ongoing and complex, but there are ways we can help smooth the process for our children.
Children grieve in their own way. The death of someone they love may be confusing, scary, and overwhelming. They may feel sad and clingy or angry and withdrawn. They might miss their loved ones fiercely, especially when they see other children who have lost their parents, siblings, or grandparents too.
Your child will probably experience all these feelings at times during the grieving process.
As you help your child cope with grief, remember that children need:
To know that you are there for them
To understand what has happened
To know that they are not alone
To be allowed to express emotions freely
To receive support from family and friends
To regain a sense of control over what happens next in their lives
Talking about death is scary, but it's important to talk with children about death when someone close to them dies.
They need to know what happened, that they are not to blame and that other people are there for them. Children may also have questions about the future and the afterlife—and it's okay if you don't know all the answers! If your child has a question that makes you uncomfortable or worried, talk with another grieving parent or other adults, your priest, who can help you find an answer together.
I hope this blog has helped you to understand that children can and do experience grief. It's normal, and it's okay. The process of grieving is ongoing, but there are things we can do to help our children through their grief journey. Remember that your child will learn by watching you, so be open about talking about death if someone close dies in your life.
