Puppy Love
After I miscarried our first child, I had this burning desire to hold my baby. At eight weeks gestation, there wouldn’t have been much for me to hold. However, every second his or her heartbeat away inside of me, I felt this sense of purpose I’d never felt before. I was no longer living life for myself. My role as a caregiver had begun, starting with how I nourished and moved my body and seeking the right medical care.
My baby took a piece of my heart with him or her whenever he or she slipped out from under me. There will always be a part of me missing. Six weeks after our child’s passing, my husband and I adopted a rescue puppy, who was born right around the time I found out I was pregnant. I desired to emulate that sense of purpose I had felt before. A puppy requires much care, attention, and teaching. I was aware it couldn’t truly compare to being the mother of a newborn baby, but I needed some cheer and energy in my life.
We named our new puppy Faith. She was meant to be our constant reminder to have faith, even on our saddest days. I can’t understand why God granted life within my womb just to take it back a few weeks later. But I can have faith in His will. I can have faith that my husband and I will one day hold a living, precious, and healthy baby of our own in our arms. I can have faith that our child is being cradled in the hands of God amidst a place where there is no pain or suffering, just complete happiness. There is so much I can be faithful for!
Upon caring for Faith, I’ve had several insights into the workings of our Heavenly Father. Being a young rescue dog, Faith came to us with several fears and lots of separation anxiety. During our walks, she’ll sometimes run up to my feet and jump onto my hip whenever another dog passes by. “It’s okay, Faith. They aren’t going to hurt you,” I tell her. Likewise, each time we leave her alone at home, I depart by saying, “It’s okay, Faith. We’ll be right back.” As if she doesn’t believe me, since we usually return to piles of anxious number two’s and a dog that’s trembling with relief. “Faith, I told you we’d be right back. We’ll never abandon you.”
I can’t help but think that God is telling us these same things; to not be afraid, to trust Him, and to believe that He’ll never abandon us. God is holding the leash in our walk with Him. He will guide and protect us through it all, despite our trials and anxieties. He will not abandon us in our hurt. We are never alone. There is a relief to be had in Him. He always murmurs to us, “It’s okay, my child. You are safe with me.” We are His puppies, relatively ignorant and reliant on Him, our master. Have faith!