NFP After Loss
When my husband Derek and I took the required Natural Family Planning (NFP) class before our wedding in 2016, little did we know that we would go through the loss of a child less than three years later, nor did we know how much of a blessing NFP would be to our marriage. My name is Brittney LaFosse, and my husband Derek and I are a companion couple for Red Bird Ministries. After seeing a flyer in our church parish bulletin regarding an upcoming workshop in March 2020 that was being put on for couples of child loss, we were introduced to Red Bird in our church parish bulletin. Red Bird Ministries was the life jacket we needed.
On February 25, 2019, we lost our child Matthew at five weeks gestation, sending us on a journey of grief along with learning more about ourselves and ultimately bringing us closer to each other through Jesus. This journey has not been easy whatsoever, and I definitely do not want to be in this “club” of losing a child. Despite all of the mess, we have still clung to being open to life. You see, to be open to life is to be open to death. I do not remember by whom or where this statement entered my life, but it will always be a part of me. Our openness and “yes” given to God are to give ourselves-- and ultimately our children-- to Him. If you know me, this is one of the most difficult aspects of my life, especially with my personality, and I struggle with control and, ultimately, the trust in Jesus. I do yearn and strive to give my children to Him as they truly are not mine but His!
When we lost Matthew, I remember being in the emergency room feeling the coldness of the moments that led to the diagnosis--spontaneous abortion. You see, our secular world has not found a better medical code for a woman who is open to life but loses her child by no fault of her own. This makes a woman wonder, “what is wrong with me?” “What did I do wrong?” “Why did my child die?” I was also told it could have been a false pregnancy. Not having or knowing of the potential opportunity to possibly collect my child’s remains to have a proper burial still hurts and worries me. The weeks and months of anxiety and depression, along with quickly getting pregnant again for our next son with all its hormones, has been a blur at times, but this experience ultimately changed who I am. Through God’s grace and love, He met me where I was and poured into me this desire to advocate for Natural Family Planning: To let women and men know that we can be open to life and that to delay pregnancy naturally after prayer, discernment, and communication between spouses is beautiful! As the secular world tries to teach us, we do not have to believe that a woman is empowered by taking medications or using other means of artificial birth control. Instead, we can come to know that true empowerment is knowing our fertility signs and using that knowledge, and being free of the potential of side effects of artificial means that could affect both ourselves and our spouse. To use artificial forms of birth control equates to building a physical, emotional, and spiritual wall between the two spouses and between the spouses and God. Spouses will only know each other more intimately by avoiding this wall and using the means instead that God has given us to build our families.
To know NFP is to know your fertility signs and to know very early if you are pregnant. To be honest, the struggle is real when Derek and I discern another child and know that the loss of a child is possible. Despite my human concern of the death of another child, I would not take away the blessing that is NFP. Through the use of NFP, we have been open to the lives that Jesus has brought us. It has allowed us to communicate on a different level with one another in ways that we would have never experienced if it were not for learning about Humanae Vitae after listening to a talk by Christopher West and taking the NFP class.
Matthew’s life and trusting in God with the use of Natural Family Planning has brought holiness to our family through openness to God’s will. Through NFP, we have developed a deeper love for the Sacrament of Marriage and understand the holy and proper way of conceiving a child along with delaying pregnancy if necessary. Our fertility and all of its beauty are given to God, and it’s our duty to continue to glorify Him through our marriage. Let us not let our fertility scare us because it is one of the greatest gifts we receive from God. Whether we can conceive and bear children or have lost a child from miscarriage to adulthood, we are called to glorify God and strive for heaven. It’s through this suffering, surrender, sacrifice, and uniting our lives to Jesus on the cross that we will be most happy. The Sacraments of the Catholic church are meant to get us to Heaven. Throughout this Natural Family Planning Awareness Week, it is our prayer that we all will open ourselves to research the different methods of NFP, communicate with our spouses about taking a class, and realize the blessing that NFP will bring to our lives. God bless you and your family.