When Grief Comes in Strong

When you have those hard days, it's okay to feel that way. You don't have to be strong all the time. No matter how long it has been since your child died, it is okay to cry, get angry, or feel like you've lost your best friend. That's what grief is for— to help us process our terrible and traumatic loss. It's not something we can avoid forever, but it is something that we will learn to carry and will,  eventually, make room for a new chapter in your story.

Grief is a part of life and a part of love, but it doesn't have to take over your life. If you are feeling alone or lonely, reach out to someone close to you who will listen and care about what you have to say.

When grief comes in strong, it's important to remember that you're not alone.

All of us go through intense grief at some point in our lives. Intense, hard feelings can come in other ways too. They might come as loneliness, anger, or even just feeling a little off. No matter what brings the hard feelings on, they are valid, real, and yours to feel.

Sometimes we all need a reminder of that. 

And when those hard feelings come – 

Let them out. 

Let the tears flow.

Cry as much as you want or need. 

You are not alone in your grief. You are not alone in being lonely. You are not alone in feeling like a failure, disappointment, imposter, fraud, or a bad person for feeling what you feel. It's okay to feel all of these things—and it's also okay to let them go.

You are allowed to be who you are—even if that means feeling like nothing is right and everything is wrong, even if that means feeling like the world is against you and that there's no way out of this hole you've dug yourself or you feel you have been thrown into.

It's all part of being human! And it's all part of figuring out who we are as individuals—and how we fit into this world as members of society at large (or as members of smaller groups). It's part of our journey toward self-love, even in grief. 

When you feel like you can't stop crying, like everyone hates you, and feel like no one understands—we get it. And we're here for you.

When you're feeling a little funky, you can't just "snap out of it" and move on with your day,  give yourself time to process what's happening to you.

Try and remember – 

1. It's normal to feel like this sometimes.

2. There is no right or wrong way to feel—you just have to feel how you feel. 

3. You are not alone.

4. You can do something about the way you feel.

These last few days, I have not been myself. I just feel a little “off.” It all started on Saturday when I had a birthday party to go to. I am still trying to figure out why Saturday and this party – Could it be because I would be the only one there with only one child?  Because some of them know my husband and I but do not know our story, but knew we were pregnant the last time we were all together.  At the party, I felt like; people were looking at me, trying to figure out what was going on and where the baby was. 

Then, at this same exact party, I  had someone I had never talked to before tell me I was FAT. When I went to get a cup of trail mix for my son and me to share, a man put his hand under the cup like he was going to knock it out of my hand then he said, “You do not need that anyways,” and pointed to my stomach. I walked away quickly, gave the cup to my son, and said it was time to go. My son was upset because he didn't get any cake and could not hit the piñata. Once I got to my car, I started crying, and my son asked what was wrong. I told him I was having a bad day and I was sorry we had to leave the party early. He said, “It’s okay, momma; I can get cake and candy another time.”

I just do not understand why people have to be so mean. This is the second time someone has said I was fat in less than a month. It's getting to the point where I do not want to go anywhere anymore because I feel like people think I am fat.