Going Back to Work
There is no right answer to the question of when you should go back to work. Consider your physical health, your emotional state, how you are managing your grief, and your unique family and work responsibilities.
Go Slow.
The time it takes to recover from a miscarriage will vary greatly depending on your baby’s gestational age and your baby’s delivery. Don’t assume just because you miscarried early in the first trimester that recovery will be quick or easy. Be sure to consult your doctor and follow his or her advice on rest and recovery. Your body has been through a lot and needs time to heal. You deserve to give your body time to heal. Many physicians will help you assess your healing by monitoring your bleeding which should gradually decrease over time. If you notice an increase in bleeding or pain, you may be over-exerting yourself and may need to check in with your doctor. Remember, take naps and rest and accept all the help that is offered. You did just go through labor and delivery, with the added impact of a broken heart.
Be Kind & Gentle with Yourself.
Your emotional state will take time to process and absorb the loss of your baby. There is no “just” in pregnancy loss, except that you were just pregnant and now your precious baby is gone. It doesn’t matter that you were just 5 weeks or just 11 weeks. You have suffered a terrible loss and you and your baby deserve to honor your baby’s life and acknowledge his/her death. Grief has come and it will take time to learn its size and shape and how to integrate it into your body, mind, and spirit. Red Bird Ministries is here to walk with you every step of the way. Be sure to visit our page on “Grief of Pregnancy Loss” to learn more about the painful journey you are on.
Don’t Hurry Back.
After you have taken care of your physical and emotional health, consider your family’s needs and your work benefits and responsibilities. Does your company offer bereavement leave? Advocate for the truth that the loss of a pregnancy is the death of a child. Many bosses or co-workers may not understand this reality, but it is still true. We have a guide prepared to help employers understand the impact of pregnancy loss on an employee. Click here to download a free copy.
In the United States, if your employer is covered by the federal Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) AND you are an eligible employee, you have the right to take leave (unpaid time off) without losing your job, your seniority, or your employer-provided health insurance for a serious health condition of yours or a family member’s. Miscarriage is considered a “serious health condition” under the FMLA. You may also qualify for additional state medical leave, so be sure to check out your own state’s laws regarding time off for miscarriage.
It could be that a husband or wife is anxious to return to work, to get back to “normal” but there is no escaping the grief of losing your baby. Even if you distract yourself with external responsibilities, it is to your benefit and the benefit of your marriage to allow yourself to feel the depth of your grief for the loss of your baby. If at all possible, we encourage you to take any time available to you to make space to grieve. If you have hurried back to work and find you need time to grieve at a later date, don’t hesitate to advocate for that.
When you do return to work, consider how you want to handle questions or concerns about your miscarriage. Many co-workers may not know that your baby died or will not know how to acknowledge your miscarriage. They may ask questions or make statements that are hurtful (“Well, at least you were early” or “You can always try again”). They may feel it is best to not talk about it for fear of upsetting you. Questions and comments can be difficult to respond to. It may help to plan ahead a few prepared answers to guard your heart and emotions at work. Here is a guide to help others with “What to Say or Do” when someone has lost a child.
When going back to work, bear in mind that grief has an impact on your mental state, as well as your emotional state. Grief brain is a real thing. You may find yourself easily distracted, feel like you are in a fog, or have trouble making decisions. You may find that your priorities have shifted and you struggle to be committed to your responsibilities at work in the face of death. This is all understandable. Try not to pressure yourself, or let anyone else pressure you, to be back to your pre-loss productivity any time soon. If anyone is pressuring you to “move on” or “get over it”, they likely have never had to deal with the death of a child.
