My baby died from an ectopic pregnancy.
A Hidden Loss
Like early miscarriage, losing your baby through an ectopic pregnancy may feel like a hidden loss.
You and your spouse may not have yet shared the news of your pregnancy before you lose the baby.
Well-meaning family and friends may be so concerned about your health and well-being in recovering from a potentially life-threatening medical crisis that little or no recognition is given to the loss of your child or any impact on your future fertility.
Physical Recovery
When you are home from the hospital, you will need a lot of extra rest for your body.
Depending on how your ectopic pregnancy was treated, you may be recovering from major surgery.
This could take days, weeks, or months.
Many women find that their body heals before their heart.
Emotional Recovery
It is common when you lose your child in a traumatic way to experience:
Many women find an ectopic pregnancy to be an upsetting and frightening experience.
There is no right or wrong for how to feel after you have lost your child and your own life and health could have been at risk.
-
Perhaps you didn’t know you were pregnant until your ectopic pregnancy was diagnosed.
You didn’t even have time to process the gift of new life before you had to prepare for your baby to die.
Your ectopic pregnancy might have been an emergency that happened very quickly.
The experience could have been traumatic and frightening, especially if you knew your life was at risk.
You may still be replaying feelings of shock, trauma, and fear in your mind. You may still feel them in your body.
Perhaps you are consumed by thoughts of what did happen or what could have happened. This may also be true for your husband.
You may even experience panic attacks or flashbacks as your mind and body process the trauma and loss you have been through.
It is a good idea to consult with a mental health professional if intrusive thoughts, anxiety, or depression persist for several months. Red Bird can help you with a referral to a Catholic therapist in your area.
“Everything happened so quickly. I never had time to think about it until after my operation. Once I was discharged from hospital I was left feeling very alone with so many ‘what ifs’ running through my head.”
-
It is important to acknowledge that your baby died.
You may or may not have been treated by medical professionals that honored the dignity and value of your baby’s brief life, but at Red Bird Ministries, we believe in the sanctity of all life from the moment of conception.
Your baby’s life was a unique gift created by the Lord with a unique soul for all eternity.
Your baby is real and your baby’s life matters.
It is normal to feel deep grief and loss at the hopes and dreams you had for your baby.
No matter how long your baby lived in your womb, he or she is still your beloved child, forever loved and forever missed.
“Everyone tells me how lucky I am to be alive. But I’ve lost my baby and I just feel so empty.”
-
It is common that those around you may not understand your feelings.
If you hadn’t had a chance to tell others about your pregnancy, you may feel like you can’t tell them about your loss either.
Red Bird Ministries is here for you, especially if you feel like you don’t have anyone else you can turn to for support.
-
You might wonder if you are somehow to blame for your baby’s death. You are not. It is not possible for a baby to survive an ectopic pregnancy.
You may feel angry at how you were treated by healthcare providers. Ectopic pregnancies can be difficult to diagnose and not all providers are sensitive to mothers and fathers who desire to give honor and dignity to their baby’s life, even in their earliest days in the womb.
You may have been pressured to pursue treatment that violated your conscience as a Catholic.
Your feelings are honest and valid and are important to share with a priest, therapist, or spiritual director to receive healing and comfort, especially from the Lord.
Remember, God is merciful and loves both you and your baby immensely. He desires to shower you with grace, healing, comfort, and mercy. Run to Him in the Sacraments, especially Holy Mass, Confession, and the Anointing of the Sick and know that He looks at you with compassion, gentleness, and love.
-
It can be traumatic for a spouse to feel powerless during an emergency medical crisis. It could bring you and your husband closer together but could also cause strain between you.
Your husband may not understand how you feel and may not react in the way you want him to or expect him to.
You each may have different feelings about what has happened. You may be focused on the death of your baby while your spouse seems more concerned about your health.
Your spouse may feel the need to be strong and supportive rather than showing feelings of loss or sadness or their fear at being powerless.
Fear of another Ectopic Pregnancy or Future Fertility
It is normal to have anxiety about the future of your fertility after an ectopic pregnancy.
You may worry about whether or not you are able to get pregnant again, but about ⅔ of women have no problem conceiving after an ectopic pregnancy, even with only one Fallopian tube.
There are many factors that can affect the likelihood of another ectopic pregnancy so be sure to talk with your doctor about all your concerns.
If you do become pregnant again, it is important to have an early scan to confirm where the pregnancy is developing and to be sure any new medical providers are aware of your history.
Medical disclaimer: This website does not provide medical advice. All information contained in this website is for informational purposes only. No material on this website is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified medical provider with any questions you may have about any medical condition or concerns. Never disregard medical advice or delay treatment because of something you read on this website.