Making Memories

The time that parents spend with their babies after birth is always precious.  When your baby’s life is expected to be brief, or your baby has already died, that time is priceless. You will never regret making too many memories with your baby.

There are many ways to make the time you spend with your baby during his or her brief life and after death beautiful and meaningful. We know your heart is breaking. It may feel impossible to navigate this tragic path, but there are ways to find moments of beauty in this sorrowful time.

Here are some suggestions:

  • If that is not possible and your baby is at risk of death, according to the Catechism of the Catholic church paragraph #1284, any lay person can perform an emergency baptism with water and the words of the baptismal rite. You can learn more about emergency baptism here and here.

    If your baby has already died, a priest can still come and give you and your baby a blessing. Here is a special prayer for miscarriage and stillbirth.

  • Skin-to-skin contact is an intimate and loving way to spend time with your baby, even if he or she has already died. You can still use these hours after death to love, cuddle, hug, and cry with your baby.

  • Take as many photographs as you can of your time with your baby before and after death. You don’t have to look at them until you are ready. Consider photos of your baby with and without clothing.

    Take family photos. Contact a professional photographer if possible. Some, like Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, will offer their services free of charge when a baby’s life is expected to be brief.

  • Consider taking videos as many videos as you can. Grief and shock can make it hard to access these memories. Consider asking a relative or hospital staff to take videos. You can't have too many. Remember that even though your baby may have already died, he or she is still your baby. You never have to look at them if you aren't ready, but it can bring comfort knowing the videos exist and your child's memory is preserved.

  • If your baby is born alive, use the voice memo function or a video to record your baby's heartbeat through the doppler. This will be a priceless reminder of their brief and beautiful life.

  • Many kits are readily available online. Three examples can be found here, here, and here. The hospital may provide this for you. You won't regret having this.

  • Ask the hospital or social worker if there is a way to take an impression of your baby's finger or toe to make into a charm. There are many companies that provide this if the hospital doesn't. Here is one option.

  • Take time to gather memorabilia from the hospital such as baby’s crib card and ID bracelet, crib blankets, hats, onesies, handprints, or footprints. Some hospitals have special blankets donated for stillborn babies or baby's who die after birth.

  • If your baby's heartbeat was recorded during delivery, you can ask the hospital for part of the tracing to take as a memory of his or her brief life.

  • Journal about this sacred time or create voice memos on your phone while the thoughts and feelings are still fresh. Remembering early grief can become a way of connecting with your child in later years.

  • Consider having special songs, scents, or oils that you use during your time with your baby at the hospital. You can use those songs or smells to connect your senses with this special time. They will allow you to re-connect more easily with your baby’s memory in coming years.

  • More ideas on memory-making available here and here.