Naming and Burying Your Baby

Pre-born children of all ages and stages are beloved sons and daughters of God. As such, they are worthy of dignity and care after they die at any gestational age. It is always your right to receive your baby’s remains and to lay them to rest through burial or cremation. 

Naming your Baby:

“I have called you by name; you are mine.” Isaiah 43:1

Your baby was given an immortal soul by God at the moment of his or her conception.  The length of your baby’s days does not change his or her eternal value in the eyes of God.  Your baby’s mission was fulfilled, however much you may have wished for their life to be much, much longer. 

We encourage you to name your baby. This helps you to acknowledge his or her unique identity, as well as giving your grief a more specific place to go.  You can pray for your child’s soul by name and ask him or her to pray for you.  If you don’t know your baby’s gender, try picking a gender-neutral name or a name related to the Feast day on or around your baby’s death.  Some families pick a first and middle name that apply to each gender.  Whatever you choose, your baby loves you and will not mind being called by a name that does not match his or her gender.  You are their momma and your hearts will always be connected. 

We pray you have peace about your child being with God even though your baby died without baptism.  You can read more about that here or listen to our conversation with Fr. Rusty Bruce on our podcast, It’s Not for Nothing. 

Funerals, Memorials & Blessings:

If you are unable to have a funeral and burial for your child because you do not have his or her remains, do not carry any shame or guilt over this. Being unable to bury your baby doesn’t lessen his or her impact on your life or change the fact that he or she is an immortal soul who is loved very much. You can still have a Memorial Mass said to honor his or her life and death, as well as having a blessing said over you and any special keepsakes from your baby’s life and death.

You can request a funeral, memorial service, and/or burial service after the death of your child. 

  • If you intend for your child to be baptized, your local diocese should allow a funeral (see Canon 1183.2)

  • The funeral rites for infants can be used for any child, regardless of their age. 

  • Eternally Loved is Red Bird Ministries resource for planning a funeral for your child. You may find this helpful in preparing for these sacred rites.  

  • The traditions and rituals of our faith bring beauty and meaning to your child’s life and death. 

  • A Memorial Service or Memorial Mass is a meaningful way to honor your child’s life and death and can be celebrated at any time, even years after your child’s death. 

  • A priest or deacon can also offer the Blessing of a Couple After Miscarriage which can be found here from the USCCB. 

  • A priest can bless any keepsakes from your baby’s life and death, including photographs, footprints, or blanket. 

  • Consider having a mass said every year on the day of your baby’s death as a way to honor your child and care for your grief. 

How to Bury your Baby:

Laws vary by state on when a funeral home must be used for a burial.  Most likely, if your baby died past 20 weeks gestation, you will need to contact a funeral home to manage your child’s burial. 

Funeral homes usually offer a selection of infant caskets, but even these may be too large for a baby who died earlier in the womb.  See our page here on caskets for pregnancy and infant loss. It may be possible to purchase or handcraft a special casket for your baby, but keep in mind that cemeteries may have certain regulations on what materials are allowed. Hobby and craft stores sell small unfinished wooden boxes that would be appropriate if allowed. 

Your baby’s body can be wrapped in a special blanket or burial gown. A hospital ministry may provide crocheted items free of charge. Rest in His Arms is a ministry which provides free burial wraps made from repurposed wedding gowns that are then blessed by a priest.  

Where to Bury your Baby:

A Catholic cemetery is the recommended burial place for your baby’s body as it will ensure respect for his or her grave in sacred ground. 

Many cemeteries have space set aside for babies which are often free of charge.  You may be able to obtain permission to bury your baby at another family member’s grave. Your priest or funeral home director should have information for your area.  Purchasing a full plot is rarely necessary.  

There are many lay apostolates which aim to support families of pregnancy and infant loss through burial services.  Here are a few, but we encourage you to look for one in your area as well.