Stillbirth
If you are here and your baby has died in your womb, we are so terribly sorry. You are not alone.
A stillbirth is the death of your baby in the womb after 20 weeks gestation. A stillbirth may be further classified as:
Early stillbirth: A baby who dies between 20 and 27 weeks.
Late stillbirth: A baby who dies between 28 and 36 weeks.
Full-Term stillbirth: A baby who dies the 37th week or after.
There are many possible causes for a stillbirth, including problems with the placenta or umbilical cord, genetic conditions that affect the fetus, or pregnancy complications. For some people, learning what caused a stillbirth is important for closure. Understanding the circumstances surrounding a loss can help as you allow yourself to grieve. For others, knowing the cause can reduce the risk of future pregnancy complications. Unfortunately, sometimes there is no clear explanation.
Your healthcare provider will review your medical records and the circumstances surrounding the death of your baby. If you choose, they may be able to perform further tests to determine the cause. It is a deeply personal decision whether you wish to have these procedures done after a heart-breaking loss. Talk with your medical provider about the reasons he or she does or does not recommend an autopsy. Sadly, you may also need to consider whether your insurance company will pay for a fetal autopsy.
Whether you have a medical reason for your baby’s death or not, your precious child is still gone and your heart is broken.
“My Womb became a Tomb.” ~Kelly Breaux
Finding out your baby no longer has a heartbeat is a jarring, horrific loss, especially later in pregnancy when it is normal to hope for and expect that all will be well. Like miscarriage, a stillbirth is a traumatizing event that will require care and support to endure physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
It is a unique suffering to carry your child within you after his or her death. This is your baby and as a mother, you may still deeply desire to be united with him or her, but your body and mind will take time to understand that your child has died. Be kind and gentle with yourself as you process what has happened to your baby and your family. Some mothers will be anxious to deliver their baby as soon as possible, while others may prefer to spend more time with their child in their womb. Discuss your options with your medical provider depending on your unique medical and health needs.
Delivering Your Baby:
One of the many heart-breaking parts of losing your baby in the womb is that you still need to go through labor. This is going to be so hard, dear momma, but it can still be beautiful. We encourage you to try and keep as many of your original labor plans as possible to welcome your baby, even though the circumstances are now very different. You can still play special music or keep the lights low. You will likely still need the same labor supports as you were already planning, in addition to the emotional and spiritual support due to your baby’s death. It is okay to delay questions not related to labor and delivery (i.e. plans related to funerals, medical tests, etc) until after your precious baby is born.
Options for delivering a stillborn baby are similar to a traditional delivery.
Induced labor: Healthcare providers often recommend starting labor as soon as possible after a stillbirth. Inducing labor may be best for your health if you have a medical condition. You’ll receive medicine that usually starts labor within two days of the loss. You may choose to have pain medication to manage the contractions.
Natural birth. You may prefer to wait before delivering the fetus. Labor usually begins naturally within two weeks after the fetus has passed. Having an autopsy done may be more difficult if you choose to give birth naturally.
Cesarean section (C-section). You may need an emergency C-section if your health is at risk. But C-sections are rare with stillbirths.
Most hospitals have professionals prepared to support you through the heart-breaking delivery of your baby who has already died. They may have protocols in place to make this terrible time the least terrible as possible. Your hospital may place a Purple Butterfly or other symbol on the outside of your delivery room to alert all hospital personnel that a baby has died and to have special care when entering the room. Have your husband or family member ask about special arrangements that are offered. Don’t hesitate to advocate for your right to still have a beautiful and peaceful delivery, if your personal health needs allow.
Time with Your Baby and After Delivery:
After your baby is delivered, you will be able to spend time with your precious child if you choose. You can hold your baby, dress them in a special outfit, have skin-to-skin contact or possibly give them a sponge bath. You may ask for mementos and keepsakes, like a lock of hair or their hospital ID bracelet. Most hospitals will issue a birth certificate. You can request that it includes handprints and footprints. You can bring other kits to make a mold of your baby’s hand or foot. Take as many pictures and videos as you want.
Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep is a photography service that provides free photos to families of pregnancy and infant loss. You can ask the hospital social worker, your nurse, or a hospice worker to connect you.
As devastated as you will be, these are moments you can never get back. Most mothers and fathers never regret choosing to hold their baby and spend as much time with them as possible, although there’s no right or wrong way to feel or respond when faced with this tragedy.
Take as much time as you need. Ask your hospital if they provide a cuddle cot if you wish, a small crib that keeps your baby’s body cool so you can spend more time with them after death. Don’t hesitate to reach out to others for support. Having loved ones nearby can help with processing the loss.
Other Things You Can Do:
Snuggle, sing, kiss, and talk to your baby.
Breathe. Take the time that you need to look at all of your baby’s features and every tiny part of his or her body, including his or her eyes.
Make an agreement to talk freely with your spouse or partner; for instance, “Is it okay if I put this outfit on her?” Don’t assume it will bother them because you may be wrong, and you will never have another chance to see your baby like this.
If possible, have time with only you and your spouse or partner and the baby, with no one else around. Have older siblings brought in later to meet the baby and take pictures, if that’s something you’d like to do.
Bring items with you for photos with your little one, such as a teddy bear, blanket, hat, etc. That item will be so special later.
Ask to be moved, if possible, to a non-postpartum woman’s floor. It can be very painful to hear the cries of babies down the hall while in the labor and delivery area.