Time with your baby after death
“When John Paul Raphael was born, I knew that I wanted to spend as much time as possible holding him after death. He was my son. And even once his soul was gone and his body lifeless, I grew that body in my womb and I loved it deeply. We had so little time to get to know him. For families in our situation, the time we spend with our baby after his or her death is precious. We spent just shy of twenty-two hours with John Paul Raphael in our hospital room after he passed. These were deeply spiritual quiet minutes full of love. I confess, I was nervous about being with him after he died. Intimately encountering death was completely new to me, but I did everything I could to prepare myself ahead of time so that I could be fully present during this sacred time.”
- Elizabeth Leon, Director of Family Support for Red Bird Ministries
Don’t be afraid to ask questions about this part of your journey with your child. Some suggestions are:
How will I know when my baby is dying? What are the signs?
Is there anything I can do to ensure a peaceful death?
What happens with my baby’s body once he or she dies?
What are my rights and options in caring for my baby’s body?
What are my options for organ donation?
For many parents who have lost a child, time with their baby after death is deeply meaningful. Your hospital should support your decision to remain with your baby as long as possible, although you may need to advocate for this in some cases. It may also be possible, depending on the regulations in your area, to bring your baby’s body home until the burial.
Cuddle Cots offer grieving families the gift of time either in or out of the hospital by keeping the baby’s body as cool as possible thereby preserving their appearance, condition and dignity. Check with your hospital staff to see if one is available. You can find more information about cuddle cots here.
“One of the hardest experiences for the family is the actual time the baby’s physical form is carried away by a provider affiliated with the farewell: this could be a nurse bringing the baby to the hospital morgue, or a funeral home staff member placing baby in a box, or the couple leaving the birthing room with the baby’s physical form still there. Being aware of this is the only way to even begin to soften such trauma. Having the option to hold one of your baby’s blankets or clothing may be a way to brave through such an impossible transition.” (sourced from Stillbirthday)
Other resources for spending time with your baby after death include:
Catholic Miscarriage Support
Tommy’s: Together for Every Baby
Stillbirthday: A Pregnancy Loss is Still a Birthday
Disclaimer: Please note, some websites may discuss birth choices that do not align with our Catholic beliefs.
Red Bird Ministries does not support or endorse those practices.