We are asked to hold SO MUCH after the death of our child, but one of the heaviest loads was feeling like I failed. We are hard-wired as parents, after our child is born, to make sure our child survives. It is our job. And when that doesn't happen, for whatever reason, we feel like we have failed. It doesn't matter if we recognize this feeling as irrational — we still feel that way. It is one of the most brutal parts of losing a child.

Rituals allow us to enter safely into grief because they have a beginning, middle, and end. They invite us to enter the tender places of our broken heart while encouraging us to focus on the present moment with the confidence that there is a way out.

My calling is now to bear witness to God’s plan for your life in surrender and obedience and ask the Holy Spirit to help guide me as I mourn, with open hands and a broken, faithful heart.

What if I was experiencing a new kind of prayer? Prayer that transcended anxious rosary beads and desperate pleas? My prayer was surrender. Be still. Close my eyes. Open my heart. Lift my face. And let him love me. Let him love her. Let him enfold us in love. My breath was my prayer.

So shattered I could not see my own hand in front of my face, I was suspended in the invisible arms of a Love I had only dreamed of. Immolated, I found myself resting in fire. Drowning, I surrendered, and discovered I could breathe underwater.

What if the light of Christ is not a harsh, disinterested glare but the perfect light of dawn that gently transforms the shadows into peace?

I spent the morning navigating the crowds, my heart burning within me. My faith is on fire, convinced that He is the answer to my every question, the yoke for my every burden.

When you think about Lent, does it feel as if any more suffering or penance will crush you? At Red Bird, grieving mothers and fathers are entering into this penitential season already carrying an extraordinary cross. It may feel impossible to consider adding one more ounce of suffering. We see you, dear one. May you find encouragement to come as you are, to enter into the desert with Jesus to receive the heart of the Father. We are here. You are not alone.