Episode 31: Secondary Suffering

Feb 17

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do.” - Colossians 3:12-13

Summary:

In this episode, Anna, Brittany, and Elizabeth discuss the concept of secondary suffering, particularly how it affects relationships after the loss of a child. They explore the emotional turmoil that accompanies grief, the challenges of navigating relationships during this time, and the importance of forgiveness and healing. The conversation emphasizes the need for support, praying for grace, and the cultivation of safe spaces for grieving individuals.

Takeaways:

Secondary suffering includes losses beyond the death of a child.
Relationships can be strained or lost due to grief.
It's important to recognize and grieve secondary losses.
People often struggle to know how to support grieving individuals.
Grief can lead to feelings of isolation and misunderstanding.
Forgiveness is essential for healing, even when it feels impossible.
Finding safe spaces and supportive people is crucial in grief.
Grieving individuals may need to advocate for their needs.
The journey of grief can cultivate empathy for others' suffering.
Prayer and connection with God can aid in the healing process.

Sound Bites:

"People just don't know how to be there."

"It's okay to let others have limitations."

"The Lord desires a deep inner rest for us."

Discussion questions:

What are some of the “secondary losses” you have suffered through the death of your child?
In today’s conversation, Elizabeth, Anna, and Brittany discuss how Jesus understands us and is with us in the moments when we feel rejected or abandoned. Have you intentionally surrendered others’ hurtful comments or behavior to Jesus? If you haven’t done this yet, what has held you back?
As you examine the relationships in your life, especially those impacted by grief, is there anyone you need to forgive?

Elizabeth Leon

Elizabeth Leon is the Director of Family Support for Red Bird Ministries. She and her husband Ralph are from Ashburn, Virginia and have ten children between them - five of hers, four of his, and their son, John Paul Raphael who died on January 5, 2018. His short and shining life was a sacred experience that transformed her heart and left a message of love for the world: let yourself be loved. She writes about finding the Lord in the darkness of grief in her book Let Yourself Be Loved: Big Lessons from a Little Life, available wherever books are sold. Read more from Elizabeth at www.letyourselfbeloved.com.